Scene: Planting vs. Parenting
I have never had a green thumb. I have a desire to own various types of plants unfortunately those plants will not make it very long in my house, under my care.
One day I was in a store and saw a spider plant on sale for $19.99, I was so excited! I heard those were one of the easiest plants to maintain, so I bought it. I knew exactly where I wanted to put it, in my living room behind my gray leather sofa. It was already blooming so I figured it should be easy to maintain since it was through the seeding process.
We got through the parking lot, the plant and I and approached my car. I realized my two-year-old daughters’ car seat was in the backseat and the bike I just bought for her was supposed to go in that space. I had to do some rearranging. The confidence I had when I initially saw the plant started to diminish. I didn’t know how much damage was going to come from squishing the plant in the passenger seat of my little Sonata. It was a 20-minute drive home with my right hand holding the plant, so the dirt wouldn’t get on the front seat. We made it home and as planned I put the plant behind my sofa it looked beautiful having the leaves sprouting behind the sofa.
My children loved the look as much as I did. We watered it, talked to it I thought I was giving some good old-fashioned nurturing. The plant lasted two months the leaves turned brown it no longer looked beautiful. I have given up on plants for now, although I feel like I failed at that task I still have nurturing to do with what’s permanent in my life, my children.
I started out as a young mother with no direction on parenting., as most young parents do. Being pregnant instilled a certain level of responsibility within me that I wasn’t aware of before. I built the courage to accept the existing situation: I would be raising this child on my own. I had to be okay with the reality, so I could push through the hurt, the anger, and the confusion.
My first-born daughter was my third pregnancy. The first two pregnancy experiences were not happy endings. The first pregnancy my daughter was stillborn, the second was a miscarriage. I was too young to fully understand why I was not able to go full term with either pregnancy. At the time I felt like I was being punished for having sex at a young age and without being married. I didn’t understand that maybe my body just wasn’t ready to go through that type of trauma. It certainly takes a lot of energy to have a person growing inside of you then enduring labor, It’s exhausting.
It’s an unbelievable experience, it’s a beautiful experience. I tried to enjoy every bit of this very new and fragile time. No matter how beautiful this moment was the reality made it dim. He never will have the chance to hold her, to smell her, to feed her, to rock her to sleep, to smile at her, to take her to the park, to go get her an ice cream cone. He didn’t deserve to be killed. She didn’t deserve to be born into this tragic reality. She deserved to have us both watching her to grow. She deserved to be watered from both of us, so that she could grow into a woman of virtue.
A woman who has learned a little bit from dad and a little bit from mom to create her own ideals. I fulfill the duty of teaching her how to be a woman. He was supposed to be here to teach her how a man is supposed to treat a woman.
All I can do is dream about what life could have been for her with the both of us.
I have not learned yet how to nurture and keep plants alive to enhance the beauty of my living space. However; I have been given the opportunity to experience the joy of bringing a life into this world. I have experienced the immediate responses to nurture, and the strength to provide care even when I have to do it alone.
For me parenting, giving love and nourishment to the beautiful girls who grew inside me; building the unbelievable connection between my daughters and I; the opportunity to watch them grow is so much easier than planting seeds in a pot of soil watering it, hoping it will grow.
We believe it takes a village...Rae's advice to the village is: Your weakest moments will expose your strengths. YOU have the opportunity to use the energy you will receive from such an emotional, overwhelming moment and turn it into joy.
Leave a Reply.